Holy Crap, the snow is a’fallin’

Published November 9, 2010 by dixielongate

You know the hard thing about having teeth in the winter?  They chatter like the Dickens when you go outside and it is snowing and cold and you are wearing just the slightest suggestion of a jacket or shawl because you have to scramble out of someone else’s place in the wee hours of the morning because you hear that faint sound of keys in the door and that voice that says, “Hey Honi, I’m back from my trip early…”

CRAP!  Why does he have to live on the 3rd floor?!

And then when you successfully navigate the fire escape, you  have to move the overflowing trash cans with your bare feet – no time to put on the shoes yet.  Plus, a 5-month-old white summer wedge doesn’t always go well with rusty metal ladders and regret, now does it?

But even with all that unexpected cardio, I have to admit, there is something kind of gorgeous about that first snow fall, even if it is accompanied by the harsh clacking of chattering teeth.  (At least I’ve got more than most of the rest of my neighbors.)  And there is something kind of pure about the snow too.  It sort of wipes the slate clean and lets you start fresh again.   It is like seeing an old friend for the first time;  An old friend that will only leave the tale-tell signs of your footprints on that guy’s balcony and fire escape for as long it takes to disappear in the blinding blanket of it drifting down from the sky.

And then, under its cover, you disappear completely…victory.

Thank you, first snowfall.  That was a close one.

I know. I know. I swear more is coming

Published October 30, 2010 by dixielongate

Do you ever get so busy running around the country, talking to people, helping everyone meet their food storage needs and then realize, “Holy Crap!  I haven’t said hello to anyone that isn’t either right in my party or right beside me in bed for a really long time.”

Guilty!

I promise, I am going to post some great little stories and stuff very quickly. 

I have been in Cleveland for 5 weeks now and damn, and they aren’t kidding when they say Cleveland Rocks!  The people at my parties have been wonderful and fun and drunk and sassy and I am so overjoyed that I could be here to play with y’all. 

Buffalo, NY is next and then Denver, Colorado where I am quite sure that I will be experiencing nose bleeds from the altitude. 

But I want to thank y’all for your kind words, wonderful comments, and ever-lasting lines of people who want to make pictures with me.  It has done my heart a whole mess of good. 

xoxoxox

Dixie

Holidays are a time for Forgiveness and Food Storage

Published December 11, 2009 by dixielongate

Happy Ho Ho Ho!!!

Can you believe the Holidays are practically sitting on our face!  I feel like it has just snuck up on me yet again, like them Jehovah’s witnesses who always appear at the window every time you are making sweet love with someone on the bedroom floor cause the bed just has too much crap on it.

But dont worry, Tupperware to the rescue.

We have lots of great gift ideas to put under your Christmas Tree or Jacana Bush or Kwan-tas Shrub.  Something for everyone.

And how about our fantastic Wine bottle opener (item 1254) for the perfect stocking stuffer.  Your kids will be delighted when they open that.  What a Christmas treat.

I am here in Mesa, AZ doing my Tupperware parties right now, handing out gift-giving advice every night, and to see people’s eyes light up from all the thoughtful suggestions that I have to make the holidays go by more smoothly, well, it is nothing short of Awe-inspiring.  I mean, at least I think that is why they are wide-eyed.

I mean it is possible that Tay from last night’s show who was sitting on the couch was wide-eyed because she found out that her friend was a lesbian.  And I know how scary that must have been for her.

But Christmas is a time of forgiveness.  So why dont we all hold virtual hands here and start packing our minds full of people that we ought to forgive around the holiday.

Your best friend for borrowing your favorite blouse and returning it with a stain that she is trying to convince you was there when she borrowed it, although you know that a little DNA testing would prove otherwise, right Monica.

Your mother for stealing that guy you had your eyes on at the gas station just the night before when you pulled in for a fill up.

Your reverend, for only filling your communion wine glass half way up when you could clearly see that you were the last one in line and his chalise was FULL.

Your baby-sitter.  She didnt plan on falling asleep with the baby sitting on top of the liquor cabinet.

Your librarian for always reminding you to return that book that she says you stole from the stacks, even though you convince her that you dont know how to read at that level so why would you have taken that book, but then she claims you took it for the pictures, and then you say that there aren’t no pictures in “The Joy of Sex” and she whips out her own dog-eared copy to show you that there is, and you think, “What the hell is she doing with a copy of that book under her desk?”

Your postman who always tries to tell you that your adult subscription never took effect for some reason, even though you swear you keep seeing her take the brown wrapper off of something every last Thursday of the month when she is standing outside your door and then immediately puts it in the inside pouch of her bag before you can push the electrician off of you long enough to get to the door to catch her in the act.

And finally The Electrician for putting on his work clothes by the time you get back from scolding the postman.

See, if we all just forgive and say a silent prayer, then I think 2010 will be a fantastic year for everyone.

I know that I for one can’t wait to see what is on the agenda for me.

I wish you all a wonderful holiday, whether you celebrate a real one, a made up one, or one that I just plumb can’t pronounce.

Smooches from the trailer

Dixie

On the Road again!

Published October 11, 2009 by dixielongate

As a matter of fact, Cleveland really does ROCK!!!

I started the second year of the tour in Cleveland, Ohio.  Now I wasnt sure what that was going to be like since I have never been here before, but you know what?  I am having a blast!  The audiences have been fun, the tickets have been selling, and I have enjoyed myself more than a Wisconsin-er enjoys his cheese, but without all that bloated gassy feeling one can get.

Cleveland has great people, the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame, and a hotel with a giant revolving door that we keep playing that “Run in a Circle” game when I get into it and end up scaring all the children that see me get stuck in it every single time.

ahhh, the little things we do to entertain ourselves on the road.

I hope that, as we near our 150th show on the road, that I get the unique privilege again this season, to touch another few thousand people and make everyone smile and think differently about what you are capable of and what it means to stand up and realize your own power and importance in your life and the lives of those around you.

How lucky am I to be able to do a job like this.

I look forward to seeing you in your city soon.

And starting off with the great people of Cleveland and their fantastic hospitality really drives the point home:  Cleveland does indeed Rock!!

I Love Scotland and its Lesbians

Published August 27, 2009 by dixielongate

So I have had the most amazing adventure since I have been here in Scotland.  I have been on TV, I have done my show, I have hosted a Piano circus, I have danced in a church with 500 other people, I have enjoyed 4 star cuisine, and during it all I have been drunk as a sorority girl the night after she rolls out of a VW bug behind the Shop-Rite without the Sunday Coupon Circular.  Just tragic!!!!IMG_0709-1

The other night, I went to the most fabulous little restaurant by the theater and the owner, kind as he could be, brought a magnum of Champagne over to our table.  Now, I assure you, I had never heard of a bottle of champagne being called a magnum.  I had always gotten ‘magnum’s’ from behind the counter at the 7-11, but this was an experience that just overwhelmed me.

And then I ran into some lesbians that had seen the show the night before, and they actually had a drink sent over to my table.  Now I had seen one of them James Bond movies when he had sent a drink over to a pretty lady, and she ended up having sex with him.  Since these were ladies sending over the drink, I had to consult my bible before I made a move.  And sure enough, I found some passages that said I don’t have to do a 007 with these ladies, so I just raised my glass, looked over at their table, and licked my lips.  It was good enough for them, and so it was good enough for me!!!

I hope that, wherever you are, that you are raising your glass that some lesbians bought and licking you own lips

I’m in Scotland!!!!

Published August 20, 2009 by dixielongate

Hey there,

Sorry for the long delay.  I have been traveling like a fiend for the last month in Europe.  That is actually outside of America.  I had to get a passport and everything,

I am in Scotland now doing my show for the Scotland-y people and having so much fun.  I have gotten quite good at understanding their funny language and drinking pints of beer as they call it.  It is adorable.  You have never seen anything as small as a pint in your life.  It is TINY!

And after this, I am going to do 2 shows in Rehoboth Beach Delaware on the 9th of September and then the second year of my national tour starts in Cleveland at the end of September.

For tickets and show info and cities, go to the updated website, http://www.DixiesTupperwareParty.com  and click on the list of cities on the right hand side.

Here are just a few pics from my trip here so you can see the craziness and the energy that is around here in the UK.

Hope to see y’all soon

Dixie

Me standing next to me by the theater entrance.

Me standing next to me by the theater entrance.

This is a theater called the Udderbelly.  It's a purple Cow!

This is a theater called the Udderbelly. It’s a purple Cow!

Jubilee is a-comin’

Published June 4, 2009 by dixielongate

n1328391179_30309207_2682173Well, everyone, I cant tell you how grateful I am for a good first year on the road with the show. I have had such a blast running all over the place and telling people about food storage.
Some people have been a little ticked off, but the vast majority of people have been downright neighborly.
I really have enjoyed getting a taste of this great nation. And it has only just begun!!

But now, down the business. The Jubilee Convention is Orlando, Florida is only 2 months away, and June marks the final month for getting all my sales in to qualify for the big awards night in Personal Sales.
Right now, I am quite a ways behind the Top seller. In fact, I am hovering around #12. Oh, that just scared the liver out of me when I heard it.
So I need everyone’s help to at least get me to be part of the Top 5!
If you go to my website and click on “Buy stuff, hookers.” It will take you to a whole world of Goodness. You can get some Tupperware right there. Click on it, order it, and get it in the mail, and then do a fantastic little dance when the Fed Ex guys shows up at the door.
In fact, there is a BBQ Set that is perfect for Father’s Day which is an absolutely unbelievable deal.
$65 for literally tons of wonderful crap.
If I just sell 1000 of those, I am IN!!

Now you may laugh, but you dont know how hard of a worker I am.

I will be tracking my progress here so you can keep up with me if you want. I am determined to dazzle that stage when I walk out in my ball gown for the Jubilee!

Send the info to your friends if you are feeling inspired to help a sister out.

And check back in mid-July as we start to post the schedule for next season’s performances of “Dixie’s Tupperware Party”.

For now, just go to the site and click around.

http://www.DixieLongate.com
And thanks for your generous support both with this and throughout the year as I have been blessed enough to come to your town

Smooches
Dixie