Holidays are a time for Forgiveness and Food Storage

Published December 11, 2009 by dixielongate

Happy Ho Ho Ho!!!

Can you believe the Holidays are practically sitting on our face!  I feel like it has just snuck up on me yet again, like them Jehovah’s witnesses who always appear at the window every time you are making sweet love with someone on the bedroom floor cause the bed just has too much crap on it.

But dont worry, Tupperware to the rescue.

We have lots of great gift ideas to put under your Christmas Tree or Jacana Bush or Kwan-tas Shrub.  Something for everyone.

And how about our fantastic Wine bottle opener (item 1254) for the perfect stocking stuffer.  Your kids will be delighted when they open that.  What a Christmas treat.

I am here in Mesa, AZ doing my Tupperware parties right now, handing out gift-giving advice every night, and to see people’s eyes light up from all the thoughtful suggestions that I have to make the holidays go by more smoothly, well, it is nothing short of Awe-inspiring.  I mean, at least I think that is why they are wide-eyed.

I mean it is possible that Tay from last night’s show who was sitting on the couch was wide-eyed because she found out that her friend was a lesbian.  And I know how scary that must have been for her.

But Christmas is a time of forgiveness.  So why dont we all hold virtual hands here and start packing our minds full of people that we ought to forgive around the holiday.

Your best friend for borrowing your favorite blouse and returning it with a stain that she is trying to convince you was there when she borrowed it, although you know that a little DNA testing would prove otherwise, right Monica.

Your mother for stealing that guy you had your eyes on at the gas station just the night before when you pulled in for a fill up.

Your reverend, for only filling your communion wine glass half way up when you could clearly see that you were the last one in line and his chalise was FULL.

Your baby-sitter.  She didnt plan on falling asleep with the baby sitting on top of the liquor cabinet.

Your librarian for always reminding you to return that book that she says you stole from the stacks, even though you convince her that you dont know how to read at that level so why would you have taken that book, but then she claims you took it for the pictures, and then you say that there aren’t no pictures in “The Joy of Sex” and she whips out her own dog-eared copy to show you that there is, and you think, “What the hell is she doing with a copy of that book under her desk?”

Your postman who always tries to tell you that your adult subscription never took effect for some reason, even though you swear you keep seeing her take the brown wrapper off of something every last Thursday of the month when she is standing outside your door and then immediately puts it in the inside pouch of her bag before you can push the electrician off of you long enough to get to the door to catch her in the act.

And finally The Electrician for putting on his work clothes by the time you get back from scolding the postman.

See, if we all just forgive and say a silent prayer, then I think 2010 will be a fantastic year for everyone.

I know that I for one can’t wait to see what is on the agenda for me.

I wish you all a wonderful holiday, whether you celebrate a real one, a made up one, or one that I just plumb can’t pronounce.

Smooches from the trailer



6 comments on “Holidays are a time for Forgiveness and Food Storage

    • Well, then we are going to have to wish him a Happy Birthday! That will be fun. We can sing! And I am terrible at that, so it should be fun!
      See you then

  • Hey Dixie! You are an absolute doll!!! Thank you for remembering me. Hey everybody, Dixie told me after the show, she’d update her blog and say “hey” to me and she did. She’s someone you can count on….to have a filthy mouth and a tight blouse! HAHAHA I hope you have a wonderful holiday ane get real drunk. And I hope the kids do too, so you can actually enjoy yourself. I’ll be going to see you every time you come to town. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that I mattered, Dixie. Thanks again. =0)

  • Sweet Heart!! Saw you in Minneapple last eve. Great Partaay! My tupperware is still burping in gales of laughter. You need to put Montana on your list–Helena, Billings , Missoula or ALL three– break a leg Babe, or “run a stocking”? “bust a garter”? whatever—thanks for the belly laughs.

  • Hi Dixie. Just saw your show last night and it was AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS!!!! OMGoodness it was soooo much fun. If you come back through Minneapolis, I would love to come and see you again. Thanks for a wonderful evening!! xo ~Laura

  • Dixie, is it too late to buy Tupperware from you since we saw your FANTASTIC show a couple of weeks ago here in Minneapolis? By the way, we loved your show, and wished we went to see it more than once!!

  • Leave a Reply

    Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

    You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

    Google+ photo

    You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

    Twitter picture

    You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

    Facebook photo

    You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

    Connecting to %s

    %d bloggers like this: